Back , confused and cheerless , weathered and worn but here none the less . A different day , another sedative , apologies to some , the rubbish bin for others . My current and future pursuit is to continue the mixing and blending of words . I strive to be a constructor of sentences , paragraphs and pages . I write like a blind fool speaks , or an English bard in a bawdy house . I am greatly enamored of seeing words , MY words , fleeing my head in favor of the virtual paper at which I often sling them . Hello ! hello ? is anyone listening ? Is this frequency active ? Yes , I may appear quite mad , but I am mostly playing a part in the theater of my psyche , or a mindless scribe with a huge vocabulary and masterful command of the English language . Actually , I'm like one of those old fashioned hand crank stuffers , where you pour words into the top , and out of the spout comes literary sausage . By changing the tip , you can change the color and contrast of the meaty emergence , and even the texture and taste . If you choose , you can go from Lord of an English manor , to a French dandy in a limousine , to a slave enduring the whip , to my usual , which is arrogant uneducated asshole . The largest problems occur when doing an emergency die change , and the supply of raw material gets intermixed or contaminated , causing grief for longer than just a short purge of mixed sub-product before righting itself . So if I seem at times to be angry , confused or bewildered , it's probably because someone shit in the hopper , and we have to roll out the bleach wagon and scrub down the blades .
   Now , because I've quite enjoyed this aspect of the cleanup process , I'll move on to the next step in the sanitation , which involves imparting to you a spiritual lesson on our place in God' universe . We are all just travelers through this world we inhabit , and our stay is a miniscule period of time in God's grand scheme . We all , or at least most , have a soul . It is our very own , and belongs to no one else . Our savior tells us that at the end of our visit to this earth , God will examine our stay here , and determine the richness of our reward , or the severity of our penance . Some Eastern religions believe our souls are reincarnated and live forever in some form or another . Some believe by killing yourself in order to kill your enemy , you are rewarded in death with 72 virgins . What , exactly , the point of THAT is I have no idea .  If Heaven is a physical place , rather than a gathering of souls , what use to be presented with 72 sexually inexperienced virgins ? Is this because some cultures still treat women as chattel , so you are rewarded with hymens to destroy ? Children to hurt ? Getting back to the premise that we are only here for a blink of God's eye , what can we , as His creations , do to improve this place we are all destined to visit ? I can only assume that this place is just a stopover on a a much longer and more mysterious journey . When we leave this place , do make a clean getaway ? Are we held here , after our bodies have gone , to observe , or serve , or suffer ? I have no idea of the answers to these questions , and we cannot know the mind of God . I do know that , even a plaque , or a tomb , or a mighty stone of granite , will all eventually turn to dust . I know that God is all around and inside us , and He is eternal . We are not shown the next stage of our travels , and even the most intelligent and strongest of us cannot cheat the stationmaster . So if our stay here is momentary , and all we know shall crumble away , what can we do to make our stay here worthwhile ? Firstly , and most importantly , believe in a kind and loving God , praise His name , and witness His Glory to the world . Secondly, and no less important , is to treat others , all others , as your brothers and sisters , all children of one God , living in God's own creation . I'm not sure where the Golden Rule was first conceived , but this should be the one that guides you as you trudge your path . Treat others as you would have them treat you . Simple , elegant , and undeniable . When you think no law applies , no rule makes sense , this one leaves no confusion about what you should do . All of God's commandments are rooted in this one regulatory guideline , and the world is a wonderful place when even some of us obey . So while we are on this quest , if following this simple rule makes one other persons life better , it was a noble exercise , and most likely improved your life too . If we could , by our witness , convince just half the people we encounter to do the same , in a fair amount of time , the world could be better than it's ever been .
   At this point in the day , I'm wrung out and ready to retire . So I wish you all a pleasant Sunday , be kind to all you meet , and God bless .

   Hello , folks , how are you all today ? I'm not too bad , other than the usual complaints . I am , however , in an argumentative mood , thanks to some jerk who didn't like my comment on his astroturf posting on Facebook . Not only were the sentiments expressed lies and misleading , it was previously posted by a "progressive" radio network . So this arrogant , right wing coward , thinks I should show him more "respect" , and not call him an idiot . Needless to say , my response was even less "respectful" , and contained more name calling . Don't call me out because I don't believe your lies , because my reaction is likely to be something you don't want to hear . When you bully or "order" me , I know you're a coward , and I don't become frightened , or flee , I become angry and will defend myself and others to the utmost of my ability . Usually this is only words , but if you insist , I still have those specialized , if seldom used , physical defensive skills , and though I hate to , I can still use them . And that's enough uncivilized ranting for now .
   That having been said , I have been textually arguing with family over a post from this morning on Facebook . I have tried to back away , but if you keep poking the bull with a stick , you're eventually going to get the horn . I have un-friended 2 relatives already , if I could figure out how to get this event page off my timeline , I would .
   So now it's later , I had to take a chill pill , and I have a difficult time navigating my keyboard . So , sorry , another distraction , an hour spent on the porch , visiting with a mildly intoxicated friend . Anyway , good night and God bless .

     So , I'm back , not feeling too bad , not getting much done , either . It's not been too bad a day , we have our oldest granddaughter until her mother gets back from the city . The younger girl had some type of awards thing for D.A.R.E. at Busch stadium , but the elder had dance team practice , so she is with us for the evening .
   Just made myself a sub with bologna , ham , 2 cheeses , on a deli style roll . Quite good , it's been a long time since I had one , and I didn't have to go to the gas station to get it . The girl has gone home , we love having her but sometimes she talks a lot , but it didn't really bother me much tonight .
   Our youngest just came in from Sheboygan , he left his local job to work for his old foreman at a different track service company , so he is traveling again . Speaking of traveling , I am about to journey off to dreamland , so as usual , good night and God bless .

   Kind of a dreary rainy day , it's rained at least 3 times . High in the 80s , lows in the 60s , I leave the windows closed during the day and at night turn on the attic fan , and open enough windows to cool down the whole house . This saves on the Ameren bill , but in a few weeks we'll have to use the A/C . Today I only went out to get the mail , and took some leftovers next door for a disabled friend , as the end of the month is always tough for those on fixed incomes . If you know someone who is living on Social Security , disability , or SSI , check on them towards the last week or so of the month . Take or give them a meal or three , some special snacks or desserts , maybe cash if you are able and it wouldn't embarrass them . Most will be thrilled if they are approached in a gracious way . And remember , sharing or lending a hand is not charity , but manna for your own soul .
   I'm really trying to get to bed early , if I can sleep . Yesterday my knees ached so badly I didn't get to sleep until about 6 AM . I got up before noon , and am hoping I am tired enough to drift off after my prayers . I am going to share this post to Facebook , in hopes of increasing my readership . So now it's time to tell you all good night , and God bless .

Not gonna be here long , but I try to touch this base every day when I can . Nice out tonight , cool and damp , but comfortable . After the second period of rain , my gauge showed half an inch , almost all of which fell in the second instance , in less than 30 minutes . The problem with that is the joint pain from the barometric pressure changes . Yesterday the younger son had lunch at Asian Garden with his friend , and brought home 3 foam boxes of leftovers . I had this for both my dinners this evening , and all was surprisingly good except the fried rice , which was quite bland . So , after those few words , I bid you all good day , and God bless .

   Pretty good day , didn't do anything but don't feel too bad , just tired after my exertions yesterday . My  wife says the tire change made a big difference so it was worth it . We eat a lot of slow-cooker meals , mostly our own recipes , because they are economical time savers . Today we tried a Campbells slow cooker sauce , just to check them out . Pork roast and a bag of liquid stuff poured over it , applewood-something-something bbq . This stuff was practically tasteless , way too much liquid , a pork butt in a community hot tub . We have much better luck with a dry rub and a little white wine , serving it dry with sauce on the side . We use a rub made by mixing 2 different Dollar Tree bbq seasonings in equal parts , and whatever white wine is cheapest at WalMart or Target . 8 hours in the crock pot , as good as the sauce you use , but also excellent unsauced .
   Anyway , tomorrow is another 4 AM alarm , I still have a few chores to finish , and I'm tired . So , good night , treat others as you would like to be treated , and God bless .

   Changing front tires on my wife's car , another story of an answered prayer . I put my knee appliances on this morning , had to come in to take them off . They provide support but are very uncomfortable .
   About the answered prayers , this is just recent , yesterday , and obvious . Our car has needed front tires for a while , and over the past couple weeks have been showing cracks and belt wires . She had prayed about it and yesterday on one of the Facebook buy and sell sites she found 4 matched Michelin tires , in the exact size , excellent shape , $25 each . They even delivered them next door , at no extra charge . We only need 2 right now , but it will be nice to have backups . This is the sort of serendipitous answer to a prayer that we often write off to luck or skill , or just ignore , that our God delivers every minute , of every day . I have been seeing this more and more around here , and we are truly thankful that He sees our needs and provides for them .
   So I changed 2 tires , both pretty easy considering I do them the old fashioned , poor man's way , 2 pry bars and a large hammer . I do have a bead breaker I built about 10 years ago , the rest is just muscle and leverage . Our youngest son helped with the second one , I was still sweaty and worn out when we finished . Came inside , cooled off , and had a bowl of rainbow sherbet , which is a delicious cool-down in itself .
   This past Monday morning after the state crew closed our side street , I found our trash tote hadn't been emptied . There was a time , even in the past few weeks , when they picked up about 4:30 AM , which would have beaten the road crew by at least a couple hours . Since the state guys haven't been back since Tuesday , and won't be until this Tuesday at the earliest . This leads me to believe my garbage won't be removed this week , either . Oh well , we'll just have to work around it .
   I know this little bit of lucidity doesn't make up for all the times I produce no content for you , but I hope it helps . So once again , I leave you with hope for a good night and God's bountiful blessings .
 

Not too bad a day , still not recovered from yesterday's pill . We had leftovers for dinner , and stuffed scallops for a late snack . Now I take my nighttime meds and prep for bed . Good night and God bless .

   Not having a good day , had to take a pill due to anxiety issues . Now I am somewhere in the ozone , and I wish you all good night , good luck , and God bless .

   This is the deal of the day . No sermons or lessons , no whining , no project definitions . Just a wish for you all to be happy , healthy , and to treat each other well . Congratulations to all this week's graduates , good night , God bless .

   So tonight I don't feel too bad , a little chest pain that I think is from over-eating but the doctors prescribe nitroglycerin for . Either way , the pills help some but give me a headache . Didn't do much again , went to the garage to loan a neighbor some tools , and get hot dogs from the freezer for supper . I did do my usual daily chores in the house , and wondered why IDOT didn't appear today to work on the road .
   You know I try to teach rather than preach , but this lesson may cross that line a little . I read today that Republicans don't want to fully fund the summer lunch program . They believe funding should only be available in rural areas , if at all . To reduce this to it's basest level , rural , mostly white , poor children would be fed , improving their lives by improving their diets . In urban , ethnically diverse populations , the children would receive no nutritional help from the federal government . There can be no doubt that this is intended to delegitimize the needs of children of color , in essence condemning them to go hungry , even die , in the interest of maintaining white racist ideology . I think I have mentioned in the past that humans are all one species , biologically , and race is merely a matter of appearance . It is also a mathematical certainty that , if the human race survives long enough , all the races will be blended into one common race . What will "conservatives" present as "the other" when that point is reached ? What will fear and cowardice demonize in others when everyone is brown ? Will prejudices be about lifestyles , intelligence , tastes in food or music ? What truly moronic reason will some folks come up with for hating others ? Will so-called Christians learn the difference between right and wrong , not from the Bible but from a moral standpoint , and that the love Jesus teaches is the proper attitude to begin all things with ? In the words of a gospel song , "You don't love God if you don't love your neighbor" , we all need to give serious consideration to how we look at our fellow humans . People , especially those entrusted with power over others , need to look at things from a truly Christian point of view , not what some bigoted blowhard tells them they should see .
   I hope this rant stirs some of you to actions and changes in your way of looking at others , and to think before you act or speak . I also hope this helps those of you who are like-minded to myself to understand the motivations and methods of those who choose hate over love . Now , somewhat earlier than normal , I will wish you all good night and God bless .

   It's Tuesday again already , but I am done with most everything else already at 10:30 PM . I didn't do anything outdoors , but we did attend our youngest grandson's pre-kindergarten graduation program . He was easily the best performer of his class in the little numbers they did . I recorded this on my old digital/dvd camcorder , it came out pretty good , but it took a while to convert to a format that Facebook supports . Actually , I'm waiting 20 minutes now while Facebook slowly uploads a 12 minute video clip . OK , 40 minutes and we're two thirds done . I did all right with the small crowd , only one minor disturbance of my mental state by someone's rudeness .
   The state poured concrete out front today , but left a strip on the outside edge filled with gravel . I don't yet understand their objective here , and they haven't started on the real defect nearby , yet . No telling with our state agencies . Tomorrow will be the 3rd day of having to go "around the block" to drive away from my house . Well it took roughly an hour to upload the video , so I clicked "post" and now it's "processing" . So after a decent , enjoyable day , I must tell you all good night and God bless .

   Not too bad today , a little cool this morning . At 8 AM IDOT was out front , cutting out the apron to our side street . Don't know their plans but they left the open hole not long after lunch . 40 feet further east is a real pothole , maybe they'll cut that out tomorrow . This morning was a typical state project , 2 dump trucks , backhoe , and 4 or 5 guys standing around going " Yup , that's a hole " while 1 or 2 actually did some work . I didn't do much today , folded laundry , worked on my herbicide sprayer , sprayed dandelions and broad leaf weeds in the yard , and took a few photos . My next step is to treat the lawn for grubs , in hopes of discouraging the moles and voles that tear up the sod every fall . I still need to build a planter for some herbs , and maybe strawberries . Then maybe I can do my big "art" project , and use some of my mental breezes to create something less mundane than I usually make .
   My new down-the-hill neighbor came to the door earlier asking if I had a flashlight , as there was a snake outside their door . He even said "python" , so I grabbed a light and went back with him . The snake had gone to hide under the porch , but once she had the torch his wife went after it and chased it out . A black snake about 2 or 3 feet long , no big deal where I come from . We always just let them go if we ran across them , they eat mice and other vermin and aren't very aggressive unless provoked . They are a young couple with a child , so they were a little freaked at first . Don't worry , it will all be good .
   So again we come to the tail end of today's entry , where I tell you all good night , be kind , pay it forward , and God bless .

      Another pretty good day , all the way around . I completed another phase of the lawn work , and the boys barbequed pork steaks and country ribs , and we had scalloped potatoes , baked beans , potato salad and slaw , and perfect weather for it . It's not 11 yet and I have all my chores current , going to rest soon . Good night , be good to others , God bless .

   Can you tell I'm out of breath by my typing ? Doing the "deep" mowing that none of the others will do , so the string trimmer doesn't work too hard . Our son is bbqing tomorrow so I'm wanting to at least get caught up . Now , done for today at 7 PM , got the mowing part done , tomorrow I will finish trim , treat for grubs , and use the dandelion spray . I have some hedge stumps I need to ax down below mower level , and re-treat trash tree stumps below the garage . I have another outdoor project to start also while the weather is nice , not too hot and not raining . My wife is fixing breakfast in the morning , and our son's friend is coming by on her work break , so I must arise at a decent hour . Good night to you all , and may God bless .

   I've given it some thought , and you're not getting much content tonight . I had a pretty decent day , mowed some , met our youngest in Ava when he got off work . He treated us to dinner at our favorite cafe' which was nice . I took the 30 min. after pill with me so I didn't forget it in the interim . So tonight I hope to be an early bedtime , no 4:15 wake up , so good night and God bless .

   Pretty nice this morning , sunny but cool . 4 hours sleep or so , the cable installer showed up about 9 , easy swap on the boxes . My wife made us breakfast of sausage patties , eggs , and toast , and we ate at the dining table , just like real folks . After watching the news and weather , reprogramming the recording list , and catching up on my web stuff , I decided to lie down for a bit . While I slept , maybe 2 and 1/2 hours , it rained and hailed . When I got back up , the sun was out again , but the sky was darkening to the southwest . It rained some , not heavy or too wind blown , and 30 minutes later has mostly moved on . Not too worked up today , even with others bringing the usual drama . When I rose from my nap , I had a message from a favorite niece asking for the url for this blog . So , hello and welcome to my personal whining page , where I sometimes slough off without presenting any actual writing . And at other times ramble on about whatever is stimulating my thinking at the time . Regardless , I try to check in here at least daily , whether I produce anything , or not . This is not intended to be anything other than a bad example of writing , composition , and the English language . As far as content , we know I'm not quite right at times , but I try to share some of the "atmosphere" of the "mental whirlwind" , in hopes it might help others understand their own struggles . A lot of the mundane , everyday action I describe is for the enlightenment of my descendants and anyone who cares to explore it . As always , you can communicate with me through the comments area of this blog . I make an effort not to identify family or friends by name , in order to shield their privacy . If you're considering a blog of your own , my ads made 29 cents in March , and 1 cent in April . Of course , I haven't really tried to market this or raise the number of pageviews , which in theory would increase the revenue from the ads .
   Back at the word spewing after a couple hours break to service the few farms on FarmVille I haven't idled in an effort to devote more time to other pursuits . Anyway , on the subject of revenue , that was never really a consideration in the starting of this journal . If I manage to grow a readership that contributes to my ministry , great , and I will be a good steward of those finances . As I said , though , if it never does better than now , that will be ok also . My wife worries herself sick over finances and the possibility of losing our home . I have become more at peace over time , as God has promised that if we believe and trust in Him , He will get us to where He wants us to be . This post has run longer than originally intended , but as I've said in previous posts the writing is therapeutic and has a calming effect as long as I don't rant . On another occasion we will delve further into the necessity of trusting the Lord , and knowing that with your faith you can move mountains . So for now , I'll wish you good evening and may you allow God to bless your lives .

   No , I'm not any more sane or stable than yesterday , just have a little stronger will . It has been a gray , dreary , chilly day here , and I am dressed to match in grey sweat clothes . We went to Sparta earlier for our friends and the only thing I changed was to add a grey hat . It has rained off and on all day , I emptied 2 and a half inches from my rain gauge when we got home around 5:30 . 48 degrees at that time , I turned the furnace back on as it was a little brisk in here this morning . We have the cable guy coming sometime in the AM to change out our dvr receiver , it's a few years old and it's been rebooting a lot and otherwise acting up for several weeks . I'll have to arrange access for him so there's no sleeping in . And now , good night and God bless you all .

    When the brain tornado is spinning , the output mechanism becomes frightened and confused , and produces little or nothing . Good evening , God bless .

   Another unusual and uncomfortable day . I got to sleep around 10 this morning , and woke up around 1 to a gastric emergency . Hot and cold flashes , abdominal cramps , diarrhea and gas , maybe I'm having my monthlies , at least I'm not bleeding anywhere . So you folks know the drill by now , I whine and complain a bit , then abscond through the cellar door . Good night and God bless you all .

Here we go again , another day when the forecast screwed me , fearing rain I didn't mow . Maybe tomorrow  I will get something done . Sunday evenings are partially used in weekly chores , Monday AM is trash pickup ,and my meds get prepped for the coming week . We bag up rubbish from all our indoor cans , put it in the city-supplied 90 gallon tote , and take it to the curb . I refill my pill organizers in preparation for starting the workweek , separating into dosage units for the proper ingestion schedule . In the morning I take 4 units , and possibly an anti-inflammatory . In the evening before bed I take 3 units , and another NSAID if I need it . I also have a capsule I'm to take 30 minutes after my evening meal . To arrive at proper dosage sizes , I have to split 14 tablets each week to wind up with 28 actual dosage units . All of the tablets I must divide are ovoid or capsule shaped , rather than round , so the operation is slightly tedious and time consuming . So I don't really have anything more to convey except be kind to others , seek Christ's guidance in your life , and trust that he has a plan for you . Good night , and God bless .

   Just another so-so day , don't feel awful , just punk . Got a few chores done , cleaned the oscillating stand fan for the boys to use in the living room , made potato pancakes to go with leftover shredded pork on toasted rolls , very tasty . The downside is being wiped out for a while after each task , and somewhat out of breath . The upside is I feel much more useful when I can contribute to the operation of the household .
   Had some mental thunder a little while ago , gonna quit while I'm still ahead . Good night , and God bless .

   Hot today , storms this afternoon , pleasant this evening . I'm still not quite physically well , but some better than yesterday . Yesterday was queasy , vertiginous , hot and cold flashes . Today a little less of those , but all still present . At the present time I have on my wireless headphones , '70s rock forcing the words out through my fingers . Yes , as far as fingers go , I can touch type rather slowly , or as I usually do , 2 fingers of whichever hand is convenient , at at least double the speed . I am thinking I might have an inner ear condition , but I don't know if that accounts for the lack of coordination and fine motor skills I've experienced over the last few days . Our friend thinks it might be allergies , but sometimes it takes a few weeks to get in to see the doctor , so we'll see if it lingers before calling . The Lord has taken good , good care of me all my life , saved me from death or dismemberment many times . If I listen with my soul He advises me on every occasion , or trusts me to remember His lessons , and have favorable outcomes . If He advises me to take measures , that is what I shall do . I have been thinking while writing this that God does not always provide us with what we desire , but rather what we need , and in His own time . The song that just came up on Pandora is You can't always get what you want , by the Rolling Stones . A pleasant and timely coincidence at the very least .
   So now I've dropped the volume some , and switched to John Prine radio , because I am trying to wind down , since I keep having to go back and correct mistakes that I don't usually make . A Billy Joe Shaver song , Live Forever , came on Pandora , and I wanted to share it so I went to YouTube , and found a video version that I shared on Facebook , and am sharing here as well , if all goes as planned . So , good night , and may God bless you richly .

Billy Joe Shaver - Live Forever

Today the problem is physical , sick all day , no good reason . Good evening , God bless you all .

  Once more , I'm not quite right , good night , God bless .

Back again for a bit . Haven't been able to stay awake at times during the day , wide awake at night no matter what I try . When I get up for the alarm , sometimes only having slept an hour or less , I usually stay awake until I'm sure the boys are up , and seldom have problems going back to sleep . When I want to get up for the day , I sometimes go back to a sound sleep before I can roll completely over . Then I awake again a couple hours later , wondering what happened . So today I slept til 11 again , need to find a good excuse to rise earlier . The hours between 9 PM and 2 AM just fly by . Anyway , trying etb/etr again , good night , God bless .

   Not gonna whine , not gonna blog either . Good day , God bless .

   A beautiful day , a little warmer than I've been used to , but clear and pleasant . Got a few minor things done , my wife divided some potted plants , and bbq'd chicken , burgers and 'dogs . Note the apostrophe , not actual animals . Our neighbor , who is trying to adjust to having one less extremity , sent over a plate of fried wild mushrooms , and we sent back a plate of meat . All in all , a pretty good meal for a very good day . Since the younger son is on days this month , and starts work at 6 , I had to set my alarm a little earlier , but meal times won't be so varied in the evening . This week I'm going to try to remember to build a planter , so I can start some herbs . I've written myself a note , it may or may not remind me at a convenient point . So , good night , and may God richly bless you .

   OK , a little confused , a lot tired . Slept the afternoon away , unintentionally . I had planned to move cars around and do some yard work , I guess it will still be there tomorrow . Did get vehicles moved to a new parking order . Had minor contact with someone who sets me off , no specific reason but my anger dial swings to 11 on a scale of 10 when I see him . Oh , well , I'm calmer now , cleaning out my closet , literally , not as a music reference . Done  with the closet , suddenly bedtime , good night , God bless .

   It's Friday afternoon , and I'm a lot better , but still a little woozy from the anti-psychotic pill . I've been cleaning , about to shower & dress for dinner with friends this evening . I'll be signing off but saving this to be added to tonight .
   Back again from Ava , where we had supper at Brunzee's cafe , still my favorite little place to have a good meal and a pleasant experience . Instead of my usual double cheeseburger and fried mushrooms , I had a catfish dinner with baked potato and salad , and my wife had a steak the same way . Our fiends had a steak and vegetables , and she had a half-pound bacon cheeseburger . Everything was excellent as always , good service , friendly family atmosphere , reasonable prices . Our checks were just over $30 per couple , not bad for dinner out on a Friday evening . The owner/culinary master was working cashier and I had to tell her how much we always enjoy dining there . I wish we had something like that closer to home .
   So , besides being in a better emotional state and a nice social outing , I am exhausted and must wish you good day , and God bless .

Got some business taken care of last night , bad day today because of other people , took a hydroxizine , slept some . Had delivery pizza for supper , calling it a day . Good night , God bless .