Today was quite good , biologically speaking . Slept late , no bowel emergencies , but still no meds in the mail , so another day added as the wearer of a medical appliance . No problem checking the mail , just saunter out onto the porch in my undies and Foley bag , give the truckers a cheap thrill . I still haven't gotten labs back from my biopsy , but I did get an appointment for the GI specialist to consult about the cysts on my liver . They say that one of these is roughly 7CM ,almost 3 inches , and there are others . I had known of some of this for a few years , having been told by a hospitalist adding a ct scan , in order to turn mild flu symptoms into a $7000.00 ER visit .
 The GI consult will no doubt result in more biopsies and lab work , but I am praying the results aren't life changing , or ending . For several weeks now I have had a calm peace in my heart and mind towards this whole situation . I have faith in our Lord God and his Son , Jesus Christ , and I feel they will help me through this , no matter what . Somewhere in this I also lost my terrifying fear of death . I do not wish to , nor will I be happy to , die . Not because I fear judgement , or doubt the rewards of Heaven . Because I despair of not being here to share this earth with the people I love , and those who love me . So , as I said , I have had a life-long horror of dying . I have lain awake nights cringing in fear of death . I hear people talk of "making their peace with God" . I didn't , I have no war with God . He laid his hand on my heart and brought me peace . This was not some colossal epiphany , or a parting of a sea , but a gentle awakening of awareness , the feather touch of a loving God . He lets me know , I'm going to be fine , no matter what comes , live or die , I will be safe in His care .
  For me , starting this blog was a giant step . I have always had curiosity , imagination , and a desire to educate and communicate with my fellows . I have been told for most of my life I should write , and now I feel I must . Underlying every writer's drive , is a desire to share , to be generous with one's soul . Sharing of anything gives me pleasure , most especially things I choose to share without coercion .
  So once again , good day to you , my friends . God Bless you all .